LOLshitsuji
by AkUmaXxXtEnsHi
Summary: What if... In the Modern World, Ciel and Alois are the best of friends? What if... they start doing amazing, weird, radical, crazy things? A Parody Fanfic. I own NOTHING! Copyrights are very important.
1. REAL MARIO LAVA FLOOR!

**Hey you guys. So this parody is about Alois and Ciel doing Smosh with Alois being Ian Hecox while Ciel is Anthony Padilla. The story mostly revolves around Ciel and Alois. Some episodes of Smosh will be sligthly changed due to Ciel's personality.**

**Modern AU Fanfic/Parody **

**I own NOTHING. Remember, COPYRIGHT.  
**

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**REAL MARIO LAVA FLOOR!  
**

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In a quite large house, two friends hanged out in a room. The boy with dark blue hair that covered his right eye was peacefully napping on the couch. The other boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes was busy playing with his Game Boy. Then, he grinned.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" He yelled as he patted the sleeping boy's forehead.

"What!?" shouted the emo. His name was Ciel Phantomhive, son of the late Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive and now the adopted son of Sebastian Michaelis; a one hell of a... anything he can be. He also (unwillingly) befriended Alois Trancy.

"Dude, after thirty-six hours, we're gonna finally get pass that stupid lava level. Now I just need to sprint, jump, and then press the..."

Ciel blankly stares at him then slapped his Game Boy away.

"NOOOOOOO!" His poor baby landed near the fireplace. He pouted and narrowed his eyes at his best friend. "Dude! The hell!?"

The emo still blankly stares at him. "Can't let you do that Trancy... If anybody finishes that game... it's gonna be me...! Bastard." Both of them stares at each other. Locking eyes in an epic staring contest... For a few seconds.

"I'm just gonna go get my game," Alois said slowly. Then, as he placed his foot on the floor, he yelps and tumbles back.

Ciel looks at the floor. "What happened...?"

"Shit, man! The floors lava! I... I think we played the game so much we got Gameritis and our minds actually believe the floors lava."

"..."

"Ya know, like the one time that I played Grand Theft Auto and lost _all _concept of morality!"

* * *

_A psycho looking, long red haired teen- whose older than Alois and Ciel- happily rode down the street on a Mario cart. Sending flying kisses to any man he deems hot. He grinned and said to himself._

_"Oh, I can't wait to see my precious Bassy!"_

_"Get off!" Suddenly, Alois came and pointed a gun at him. He then dragged the red-haired cray-cray out of the cart._

_"Ah! Is that how you treat a lady!?" Alois didn't answered him/her/whatever and shot him on the lower regions as he drove away while banging the gun at the sky.  
_

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"..."

"Or that time I got addicted to angry birds!"

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_"Oh, Mr. Tweety! I love you so much!" Said a blonde kid with large turquoise eyes_

_"Hehehe!" Alois giggled as he grabbed the yellow bird from the older kid and threw it across the sidewalk and successfully knocking of some boxes._

_WHEE!_

_"Yes!"  
_

* * *

"..."

"Dude, seriously? You don't get it?"

"... remind me again why I made friends with you?"

"Cause I'm a sexy bitch!"

"..."

"Fuck you, man, fuck you."

"..."

"Ugh! Look, can we just go get my game?"

"Alright. But how do we get it if we have 'Gameritis' like you said, Smart Guy?"

"No time for sarcasm! Tis time to use our skills we learned from playing Mario!"

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**World 1-1: Epic Pit **

"Rock, paper, scissors to see who jumps first?" suggested Alois. Ciel just shrugged in response as he stood up with Alois.

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!"

"Dammit, why do you always win!?"

"Cause I'm better than you."

Alois groans and took a deep breathe. _'Alright myself, you can do this...' _The booty-shorts-wearing blonde jumps up in slow motion. Accidentally hitting some saliva on Ciel's face.

_Thump._

"Dammit! I was supposes to fly! Ugh... Oh, hey, we can use the pipe over there!"

* * *

**World 1-2: The Pipe **

"Dammit! Why do I have to be second!"

Ciel smirked. "Well, your, I can't believe I'm saying this, taller than me and so are your legs."

"But your supposed to be my uke!"

"..."

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**World 1-3: Get Big**

Ciel climbs out of the pipe and gets on the counter with Alois following behind. The emo kid spotted some mushrooms coincidentally lying in front of them.

"I think we're suppose to eat this mushrooms so we can get big..."

"Big?" Alois grins excitedly. "Aw yeah dude, I always wanted to try a little enhancement. Like, I don't about you, but like, all the girls tell me that I'm wider than I am long, so I'm getting sick of it."

Ciel looks at him with an expression that clearly says, 'say what?'

"Wut, do I have something on my face?"

"No... I meant like Mario..."

Alois blushes in embarrassment and laughs nervously. "Oh, yeah! L-let's do that!"

"PIRU, PIRU, PIRU!"

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**World 1-4**

"Dude, there it is!" After Ciel and Alois landed on a table, the blonde grinned and pointed at the Game Boy which was a few feet from them.

Ciel nodded, "Alright, then get on your knees-"

"What!?"

"-and then I'm gonna get on top of you-"

"Dude, I'm your seme!"

"Will you just let me finish!"

"Sorry!"

"Alright, I'm going to get on top of you and use you to get the game by jumping on your spinal cord and using a few degrees north to successfully land there. Do you understand?"

"... kind of..."

"Alright." Ciel got on top of his friend and jumps off of him and landed near the device. Smirking evilly, he picked it up and began to play it.

Alois' eyes widened. "Wait a minute... You only used me to get the game!"

"..." Busy playing Mario to respond.

"The lava wasn't the enemy..." Alois narrowed his eyes and pointed at the traitor. "It was you..." Picking up a brick from out of nowhere, he threw it at the slate haired teen.

"Suck brick, kid!"

Ciel yelped as the brick hit his arm. Making him let go of the Game Boy. Alois watched in horror as his precious baby landed down hard and shattered to pieces.

"NOOOOO!" Ciel was disturbed with the spit running down the blonde's lips. "Oh Game Boy... A world without you is a world I don't wanna leave in... Goodbye cruel world!" The emo wasn't a bit least fazed when his friend plopped down on eh carpet and began to squirm as if he had a seizure and began to yell as the 'lava' began to eat him.

"..." He shrugged and used the body to make a bridge back to the table and began to read a book that was lying there.

"Ciel?" Sebastian came in and saw his charge calmly reading a book and Alois unconscious... or dead.

"What happened here while I was gone?"

"We played Mario."

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**Should I continue? **

**By the way, checkout my Danny Phantom x Kuroshitsuji fanfic; Kuroshitsuji: A New Tale. This is where Danny and Ciel are brothers and a JazzxSebastian pairing. Freaky, huh?**

**Please Review**


	2. Addicted to Honey Boo Boo

**Hey you guys. So this parody is about Alois and Ciel doing Smosh with Alois being Ian Hecox while Ciel is Anthony Padilla. The story mostly revolves around Ciel and Alois. Some episodes of Smosh will be sligthly changed due to Ciel's personality.**

**Modern AU Fanfic/Parody **

**I own NOTHING. Remember, COPYRIGHT.  
**

**WARNING!: Added my OWN scenes to further humor the fanfic.**

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**Addicted To Honey Boo Boo  
**

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"My name is Alois and everyone's telling me that I'm addicted to Honey Boo Boo show which-" the blonde giggles a bit "-I'm not at all." He then stood up from his seat and went to his room. Fiddling around his closet he got out a poster of Honey Boo Boo and hanged it on the wall. Later, Ciel finds him in the living room of his house watching Honey Boo Boo. Seriously, why does he hang out in his house so much?

"Ahem..."

Alois stops laughing and grins nervously at Ciel. "Uh, can you believe people actually watch this crap? Stupid, so fucking stupid, right?"

"...you need a therapist."

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**_Alois watches Honey Boo Boo Child for five hours everyday. That's more than eight million hours a year. That's almost the size of Texas and England combined. Alois' best friend Ciel, is the only one that knows the extend of Alois' problem. He invited us over to see if we can help._**

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"Okay, first of all, I didn't invited you. You guys just came barging in. Second, I'm not his 'best friend'. He's just an acquaintance."

"Then why are you with him?" Asked the narrator, Ronald Knox, with a smirk.

Ciel rolled his eyes. "Its because he practically assaulted me on sight at the first day of elementary. So now I'm stuck with him. That and Sebastian is a fucking bastard to let him watch over me while he's at work.

"Oh, you mean babysit?"

"Shut. Up."

"Ooookaaay... So, what has Alois been doing?"

"That blonde git has been talking in an idiotic manner like that child."

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_"Bard's Bakery, m-may I t-take your o-order?" Asked a magenta-haired waitress with large round glasses._

_"Hi, you got any cheese baws?" Asked Alois in a high-pitched voice. Ciel stares at him blankly._

_"U-um... cheese... baws?"_

_"He meant 'cheese balls'." Ciel corrected in a monotone as he started to read of the menu again._

_"Cheese baws!" Alois lifted up his shirt and began to use his belly-button as his mouth. "My tum-tum's gotta have it!" The waitress gave him a terrified look and Alois scowls, still unhappy because he still didn't get his cheese balls. So, he grabbed his giant bottle of yellow-ish green liquid and began to pound it against the table. Ciel moving a few inches away to avoid getting hit._

_"Cheese baws! Cheese baws! Give me-" Then, he was carried away by other waiters. "Nahahaha!"  
_

_Ciel sighs and puts down the menu. "I'll have the strawberry short cake special with a cup of Earl Gray Tea."_

**_And so, his foster father Claude- which is rarely home- and Ciel decided to take Alois to a therapist._**

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"Alright, Alois. It's time to- what in Hell's name are you doing?" Ciel stopped in his tracks and stared wide eyed at Alois, who wore ridiculous clothing that only suited for women.

"I'm getting ready for a pageant, wanna come?" Alois asked in that same annoying tone.

Ciel's eye twitched. "No, I don't wanna come. We are going to-"

"Oh nah ah! You ain't go telling Alo Boo Boo Bear what to do! Nah mm mm mm mm mm. No!" The blonde exclaimed while pursing his lips.

"...Alo Boo Boo Bear?"

"Yeah, that's my name now, dummy." He then drank the same bottle of liquid from earlier. "DUH!"

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**_Alois _**_**spends two hundred dollars a week on makeup. That's enough money to buy five hundred sixty pounds of chicken feed. Ninety-nine percent of Americans believe anything they read. Alois' foster dad has been brought to the house to witness Alois' addiction for the first time.**_

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Claude and Ciel watched Alois has he swayed his hips.

"What's wrong, dada? You ain't love me no more?"

Both sane people shook their heads. Then, Claude sighed.

"Somebody please remind me why I took you in?"

"And why I let you befriended me?" added Ciel.

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_**Later, Ciel decided to confronts his best friend-**_

_**"Look, will you quit it with the 'best friend' thing!?"**_

_**Alright, geez! How about 'Life Partner?' (1)**_

_**"No."**_

_**Then... brother figure?**_

_**"No."**_

_**Then what!?**_

_**"You tell me."**_

_**Fine... Then you'll be his... I don't know, boyfriend? **_

_**"..."**_

_**Kid, what are you doing with that knife...? No, don't come near me, I'm a certified adult! Don't you dare point that at me! No, don't, get away...**_

_**AAAH!  
**_

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Ciel sighed as he once again entered Alois' room. "Alright, Alois. You have to stop this. You look like a mental, homo that will almost surpass Grell! That and you're about to do a beauty pageant for kids that is extremely and obviously illegal for teen boys!"

"Ish 'mkay, litte maaan!"

"...what?"

"Mmm-bub figgly foo squeemy jeemy."

Ciel groans. "Look, I can't believe I'm saying this but... please stop it. I have to admit that life is boring without you... Maybe not."

Alois being Alois, was touched to here that. He sniffed as tears began to form. "I'm sorry!"

Ciel let Alois hugged him. He awkwardly patted his back as the blonde began to sob.

_'Fuck my life.'  
_

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**(1) Life Partner was mentioned somewhere in the series 'Addicted to-'**

**Thank you for the 2 reviewers. Once again, please check out my DPxKuroshitsuji Fanfic**

**Please Review!**


	3. WORST TWIST ENDINGS EVER!

**Hey you guys. So this parody is about Alois and Ciel doing Smosh with Alois being Ian Hecox while Ciel is Anthony Padilla. The story mostly revolves around Ciel and Alois. Some episodes of Smosh will be sligthly changed due to Ciel's personality.**

**Modern AU Fanfic/Parody **

**I own NOTHING. Remember, COPYRIGHT.  
**

**WARNING!: Some scenes are missing and my own scenes are added. Oh and Ciel and Alois will be constantly changing roles.**

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**WORST TWIST ENDINGS EVER!  
**

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"I have something to tell you..." Alois blushed as he held the hand of his crush.

"I have something to tell you too."

"What is it?"

"I AM YOU!"

"FUUUCK!"

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"This is stupid..."

"Hehe, we're gonna be the best drug sellers ever!" Ciel and Alois were both wearing black clothing as the blonde started to pour white dust on the table. Then, the door burst open tor reveal a cop with brown hair.

"Stop right there!" The officer exclaimed as he held a gun.

"How did find us!?" asked Alois.

"I had a man on the inside."

"Tony!?" Alois exclaimed in betrayal as he looked over to his partner.

"No, it was Frank..."

"How could you do this to me, Frank!?" Ciel cried out as he pulled off his mustache.

_"I made a promise to keep trash like you off the streets no matter the cost."_

"But you were my only friend!"

"What about me...?"

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"Dear Santa, please give me a good gift this year, I've been such a good boy!"

"HOHOHO!"

"Santa Claus!" Alois ran into the living room to find Santa Claus. Yet he wasn't a fatso and had white hair and purple eyes.

"HAPPY KWANZAA, MOTHER FUCKER!" He then shot Alois with a shotgun.

Merry Early Christmas... Bitches.

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"I think if I was a girl, I'll just fondle my boobs all day."

"That's disgusting, Alois."

"DON'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT, BRO!" Alois exclaimed as he magically turned into a girl and began to fondle his/her breasts. Unicorns...

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"Alright guys..." Alois approached his friends, Ciel and Lizzy, while in his hands were snacks and drinks.

"Here is your regular..." He gives the first cup to Lizzy, "And here is your diet..." The final cup goes to Ciel.

Lizzy drank it and gulp the liquid down with a shocked expression. "This isn't diet!"

Ciel spits out his drink and glares at Alois. "I got the diet!"

He then splashes his drink at the blonde boy's face.

"OH MY GOD, I'M BLIND!"

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Ciel seriously stared at the t.v. screen as the reporter spoke.

_"There's no word out on how we can defeat these aliens. We've transmitted..." _Suddenly, Alois burst through the living room all bloody and wounded.

"Ciel! I've discovered the alien's weakness!"

"What is it?"

...

...

...

"...bullets."

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"I'm sorry about your mom..." Alois looked at Ciel as they stood over a dead body. "But at least you still have your dad."

"MY MOM IS MY DAD!"

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"What the fuck!?"

Ciel panted as he sat up, sweat dripping down his face. He then sighs in realization. "That was all just a dream. I have got to stop eating to much Sugar Sprinkled Lollipops while Alois yodels in front of me."

"Hi..."

"ALOIS GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"

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**Guests appearance are Fred Abberline and Ash Landers.**

**Suggest any Smosh Video you want Ciel and Alois to do ****  
**

_**Please review!**_


	4. PLEASE READ MEH

Ohai, didn't see you there *gets hit by a brick*

Okay, I'm sorry I hadn't updated! Geez! But seriously, my life is really busy right now... *sobs*

Aaanywaaay, I want to change KuroSMOSH to LOLshitsuji cause I have discovered the LOLness of Nigahiga, Mychonny, Markiplier and stuff.

So this is just a HEADS UP CHAPTER or Author's Note or Whatever

BTW, if your a fan of Rinto Kagamine or Rei Kagene, I made a little video of them singing Meltdown: **Meltdown- Rinto and Rei by Akuma Tenshi**

I worked hard on it for 4 HOURS

And finally, I'll also be adding a short drabble to LOLshitsuji coming out from my brain like rainbow farts.

Bye, muderfkrs :3


	5. The iPod Human

**Disclaimer: Funny Video used here is owned by Nigahiga. Kuroshitsuji is by the amazing Yana Toboso**

**TEEHEE**

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**The iPod Human  
**

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Ciel, in his fancy blue suit, walked into a white room and cleared his throat.

"Hello, ladies the gentleman. I am Ciel Phantomhive and I am here to introduce you to the new technology. First, it starts off with the iPod, next the iPod Nano, then the iPod Touch. And now... the brand new iPod Human! The iPod human comes in multiple colors! Wicked white! Burnt black! Yucky yellow! Or even retarded red! The iPod human is only $799.99! And it can hold up to 6 and a half songs! Here are some of our satisfied customers!"

Finny was now seen crying his eyes out. "The iPod Human ruined my life!"

Bard scoffed. "The iPod Human sucks!"

Mey-rin humphed. "I hate the iPod Human, yes I do."

And finally, Tanaka drank his tea. "Ho, ho, ho."

Ciel chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Use the iPod Human at home!"

A regular clothed Ciel sat in his desk with his head in his palm, eye twitching. Alois then came to his side wearing a bid grin.

"Ohh, what's love got to do with it, got to do with it! What's love-"

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"In the car!"

Sebastian was seated in the driver's seat wearing an amusing smirk with Ciel and Alois seated on the beck seat, the blue haired boy crossing his arms and a tick mark appearing on his forehead.

"Soulja boy off in this hoe! Watch me crank it, watch me roll! Watch me crank that soulja boy then super man that hoooooooeeeeee!"

* * *

"In the bathroom."

Ciel sighed in bliss and relief as he sunk a bit deeper on his hot, soothing bath tub.

"Ooo ha! Hoo ha! Na, na na na na, na, na na na na na—""

"GET THE FUCK OUT!"

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"Or even when you go to bed!"

Ciel, in his blue pajamas, slipped under the covers of his too-large bed and started to drift off to dreamland.

"F is for friends who do stuff together! U is for U and me! N is for anywhere,and anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea!"

"MOTHERFU-"

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"The iPod human is light and portable! And you'll never lose it because it has a built in alarm that goes off every three seconds!"

Alois was seen seated at the corner of a room as Sebastian stared at him in question.

...

"Dah!"

...

"Dah!"

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Ciel smirked as he put his hands on his hips. "So what are you waiting for!? Buy the iPod human before it's too late!"

Bard furiously waved his hand in front of his face. "No! Nonononono-"

"The iPod Human does not protect against STD's. If you experience explosive diarreah, cramping, vomiting, or even death, contact your doctor because the iPod Human may not be right for you. Order now!"

**TEEHEE  
**

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**REVIEW! TEEEEEHEEEEE!**


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